1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
Selah
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
7 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah
8 Come and see the works of the LORD,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,
he burns the shields with fire.
10 "Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."
11 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Monday, December 7, 2009
My Disappointment
Every year, my Christmas list would be the first one finished because I only asked for one thing: a Barbie Dream House. It was so beautiful, and so out of my parent's price range. Each year, I would hope and pray that the small wrapped presents under the tree with my name would reveal underneath all the wrappings a little note that would say, "Look in the closet for your REAL present". I imagined myself opening the closet door and gasping with surprise and happiness when I saw the Barbie dream house, but the dream house was just that -- a dream. I never received one, but my cousin did. I would go over to her house and see all her toys and watch her play with the toy that I so desperately wanted knowing that it wasn't mine and she didn't even care about it as much as I did. And I was disappointed.
Disappointment comes from unmet expectations. We all have something in our life that we want and repeatedly ask God for: maybe we are praying for a baby like Hannah, a restored relationship that is beyond repair, someone to love us, a nicer home, financial relief, improved health, the salvation of a loved one, and the list goes on. When no relief comes, our faith is shaken because God has not given us the life we hoped for, planned for, and worked for. He doesn't always answer prayer the way we want or when we want and it hurts.
I never expected to be a widow at the age of 33 or to lose one of my children. I never would have chosen to raise my children as a single mom. Those were disappointments to me because it was not how I dreamed my life would be. But, the disappointment has continued as three-and-a-half years have past and I am still alone and raising kids alone and I don't foresee an end in sight. God knows how I feel about my circumstance which entails emotions ranging from anger, resentment, envy, and bitterness. Can you relate? Is there a prayer in your life that is unanswered or a circumstance that you wish there were a way out?
This is when our faith is challenged and when it can wither and die or it can grow. Do you believe that God in His wisdom and goodness allowed your pain? Ouch. That is a stumblingblock for all of us who have suffered loss. How could God who proclaims a deep love for me allow me to not only hurt like this, but continue in it? Psalms 139:13-17 says that our lives - including our pain - were planned by God. But that pain has a purpose. Joseph did not understand why he was falsely accused and imprisoned, but God had a reason for it and it was a big one. To save the Hebrew nation. All we can do is trust God in the midst that some good will come and that our pain will have a purpose.
A bruised heart that chooses to beat with a passion for God amid pulsing pain may be the most expensive offering placed on the divine altar. -- Beth Moore
Disappointment comes from unmet expectations. We all have something in our life that we want and repeatedly ask God for: maybe we are praying for a baby like Hannah, a restored relationship that is beyond repair, someone to love us, a nicer home, financial relief, improved health, the salvation of a loved one, and the list goes on. When no relief comes, our faith is shaken because God has not given us the life we hoped for, planned for, and worked for. He doesn't always answer prayer the way we want or when we want and it hurts.
I never expected to be a widow at the age of 33 or to lose one of my children. I never would have chosen to raise my children as a single mom. Those were disappointments to me because it was not how I dreamed my life would be. But, the disappointment has continued as three-and-a-half years have past and I am still alone and raising kids alone and I don't foresee an end in sight. God knows how I feel about my circumstance which entails emotions ranging from anger, resentment, envy, and bitterness. Can you relate? Is there a prayer in your life that is unanswered or a circumstance that you wish there were a way out?
This is when our faith is challenged and when it can wither and die or it can grow. Do you believe that God in His wisdom and goodness allowed your pain? Ouch. That is a stumblingblock for all of us who have suffered loss. How could God who proclaims a deep love for me allow me to not only hurt like this, but continue in it? Psalms 139:13-17 says that our lives - including our pain - were planned by God. But that pain has a purpose. Joseph did not understand why he was falsely accused and imprisoned, but God had a reason for it and it was a big one. To save the Hebrew nation. All we can do is trust God in the midst that some good will come and that our pain will have a purpose.
A bruised heart that chooses to beat with a passion for God amid pulsing pain may be the most expensive offering placed on the divine altar. -- Beth Moore
Friday, November 27, 2009
Beating the Holiday Blues
Christmas used to be fun. As a child/young adult, I would count down the days until Christmas and carefully make out my lists and dream of all the possibilities that the day would bring. Now, holidays are just like any other day and something I would rather avoid. Why did they become like that? I think there are a number of reasons: holidays are now devoid of meaning because our old traditions and reunions are impossible with the loss of a loved one, financial limitations, loneliness, separation from friends, the reasons go on. Holiday blues set in and rob us of the joy of the season.
How do we overcome the holiday blues? There are practical things such as eating well, getting enough sleep, exercising, surrounding yourself with support and avoiding those who annoy us, scheduling downtime, sticking to a budget, make new traditions, do something or watch something that makes you laugh, and look for opportunities to do something for others.
Our faith also comes into play. We have to believe that God blesses the faithful.
Max Lucado writes this, "Just when the womb gets too old for babies, Sarai gets pregnant. Just when the failure is too great for grace, David is pardoned. And just when the road is too dark for Mary and Mary, the angel glows, and the Savior shows, and the two women will never be the same. The lesson? Three words. Don't give up. Is the trail dark? Don't sit. Is the road long? Don't stop. Is the night black? Don't quit.... God is watching. For all you know, right at this moment he may be telling the angel to move the stone. The check may be in the mail. The apology may be in the making. The job contract may be on the desk. Don't quit. For if you do, you may miss the answer to your prayers. God still sends angels. And God still moves stones."
How do we overcome the holiday blues? There are practical things such as eating well, getting enough sleep, exercising, surrounding yourself with support and avoiding those who annoy us, scheduling downtime, sticking to a budget, make new traditions, do something or watch something that makes you laugh, and look for opportunities to do something for others.
Our faith also comes into play. We have to believe that God blesses the faithful.
Max Lucado writes this, "Just when the womb gets too old for babies, Sarai gets pregnant. Just when the failure is too great for grace, David is pardoned. And just when the road is too dark for Mary and Mary, the angel glows, and the Savior shows, and the two women will never be the same. The lesson? Three words. Don't give up. Is the trail dark? Don't sit. Is the road long? Don't stop. Is the night black? Don't quit.... God is watching. For all you know, right at this moment he may be telling the angel to move the stone. The check may be in the mail. The apology may be in the making. The job contract may be on the desk. Don't quit. For if you do, you may miss the answer to your prayers. God still sends angels. And God still moves stones."
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Lonely, So Lonely
There are 6.8 billion people on the Earth at the time of this writing, and yet I am lonely. How is this possible, there are people everywhere! It’s obvious that loneliness is not cured by having people in your vicinity. Max Lucado writes, “Loneliness is not the absence of faces. It is the absence of intimacy. Loneliness doesn’t come from being alone; it comes from feeling alone. Feeling as if you are facing death alone, facing disease alone, facing the future alone.” While you may be facing these things, you aren’t alone for the Lord is with you. God loves and will not leave you even when your friends don’t give you the support you need or at night when you cry yourself to sleep. Your future is not empty. You have God walking alongside with you and don’t need to be desperate for the love of others.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." (Deut. 31:6 NIV)
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." (Deut. 31:6 NIV)
Monday, October 12, 2009
Always Winter, But Never Christmas
In the winter following Aaron and Grace’s death, I would look out my window and see the barren trees and think to myself how my life mirrored them. My feelings are echoed in C.S. Lewis’s Chronicles of Narnia, that when the White Witch cast her spell she trapped everything into an “always winter but never Christmas world”. Lewis’s illustration of snow melting is a good one, I think, to suggest how a person’s long coldness of heart may be changed, bit by bit, into a warmer, living heart for God. Like the tree in the summer, my life was once lush, beautiful, rich, full of color, and fragrant. Then fall set in, and the bright green summer leaves fell away and left the tree ugly, barren, dark, and empty. Now, I look out at the trees and know that even in the midst of winter, the trees’ roots and foundations aren’t injured at all. It is making way for new leaves in the spring. Our lives are like that too. The disappointments and pain in life make room for new and different blessings. We will bloom again someday.
"All around them, though out of sight, there were streams chattering, bubbling, splashing and even (in the distance) roaring. And his heart gave a great leap (though he hardly knew why) when he realised that the frost was over." C.S. Lewis
"All around them, though out of sight, there were streams chattering, bubbling, splashing and even (in the distance) roaring. And his heart gave a great leap (though he hardly knew why) when he realised that the frost was over." C.S. Lewis
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Help! A Milestone is Coming.....
Some suggestions for upcoming milestones are as follows:
• There is no right or wrong way to handle the day. Some may wish to follow family traditions, while others may choose to change.
• Focus your celebrations on the season: go to a mountain lodge; go sledding or skiing, or just take a walk in the woods--time out to enjoy what nature has to offer in this season.
• Include the deceased in your conversations and celebrations. Hang a stocking for your loved one in which people can put notes with their thoughts or feelings. Look at photographs. Once others realize that you are comfortable talking about your loved one, they can relate stories that will add to your pleasant memories.
• Keep in mind the feelings of your children or family members. Try to make the holiday season as joyous as possible for them.
• Plan to be with the people YOU enjoy.
• Do something for others: volunteer at a soup kitchen; visit the lonely and shut-ins; ask someone who is alone to share the day with your family; provide help for a needy family; volunteer at the airport to pour coffee for stranded travelers; or offer to volunteer in a hospital on the holiday; if your city has a Ronald McDonald House, see if you can help make their holiday happier.
• Don't be afraid to express your feelings. Allow people to comfort you. They need to feel they are helping in some way.
• Remember, anticipation of any holiday is much worse than the actual holiday.
• Donate a gift or money in your loved one's name.
• Try to get enough rest.
• There is no right or wrong way to handle the day. Some may wish to follow family traditions, while others may choose to change.
• Focus your celebrations on the season: go to a mountain lodge; go sledding or skiing, or just take a walk in the woods--time out to enjoy what nature has to offer in this season.
• Include the deceased in your conversations and celebrations. Hang a stocking for your loved one in which people can put notes with their thoughts or feelings. Look at photographs. Once others realize that you are comfortable talking about your loved one, they can relate stories that will add to your pleasant memories.
• Keep in mind the feelings of your children or family members. Try to make the holiday season as joyous as possible for them.
• Plan to be with the people YOU enjoy.
• Do something for others: volunteer at a soup kitchen; visit the lonely and shut-ins; ask someone who is alone to share the day with your family; provide help for a needy family; volunteer at the airport to pour coffee for stranded travelers; or offer to volunteer in a hospital on the holiday; if your city has a Ronald McDonald House, see if you can help make their holiday happier.
• Don't be afraid to express your feelings. Allow people to comfort you. They need to feel they are helping in some way.
• Remember, anticipation of any holiday is much worse than the actual holiday.
• Donate a gift or money in your loved one's name.
• Try to get enough rest.
My Friend is Experiencing Loss: What Can I do?
Your friend is hurting and in crisis. You want to help, but you don't know how. Here are some suggestions and tips. Please reread the post "How You Can Help Me" on this blog for additional practical ideas:
If you are geographically close, drop by as much as possible and just keep your friend company. If you aren't nearby, call her daily to let her know that she is not alone and look closely for abnormal depression. In my experience (a general rule of thumb), the most critical times are weeks 6-10 when depression really gets a hold on you after the shock and adrenaline wear off. If you see signs of utter despair and hopelessness and the Holy Spirit plants an urge in you to worry, you need to drop everything and go to her and don't wait. Just knowing that someone will be stopping by helps you feel more accountable. Just draw upon your own experiences and remember what helped you when you felt lonely and depressed and hopeless. Most of all, I think what helps people is just not being physically alone.
Is she a believer? If so, you can (gently) share the Bible with her. Stay away from Romans 8:28 and those verses because right now she is not ready to hear that God intended this for her good. She can't see past the sorrow right now. I would share these verses with her first: Isaiah chapter 41, the Book of Psalms and Job. Again, start with verses where someone is crying out to the Lord in times of trouble because that is where she is right now.
This is not an exhaustive list, but these are verses that I found comfort in during hard times:
Psalm 27:13-14: “I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.” (NASB)
Jeremiah 29:11-13 “For I know the thoughts I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you and expected end. Then shall ye call upon me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.” (KJV)
Isaiah 41:13 “For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.” (KJV)
Isaiah 57:1-2 “The righteous perish, and no one ponders it in his heart; devout men are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil. Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death.” (NIV)
II Corinthians 4:7-9 “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed.” (NASB)
“ I will feed My flock and I will lead them to rest,” declares the Lord GOD. “I will seek the lost, bring back the scattered, bind up the broken and strengthen the sick . . . ” Ezekiel 34:15-16 (NASB)
“For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd, he will lead them to springs of living water; and God will wipe every tear from their eyes.” Revelation 7:17 (NIV)
Job 42:12a “The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the first.” (NIV)
Psalm 84:11 “For the Lord God is a sun and shield; The Lord gives grace and glory; No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.” (NASB)
Job 23:10 “But he knows the way I take; when He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold.” (NASB)
James 5:11 “We count those blessed who endured. You have heard of the endurance of Job and have seen the outcome of the Lord’s dealings, that the Lord is full of compassion and is merciful.” (NASB)
If you are geographically close, drop by as much as possible and just keep your friend company. If you aren't nearby, call her daily to let her know that she is not alone and look closely for abnormal depression. In my experience (a general rule of thumb), the most critical times are weeks 6-10 when depression really gets a hold on you after the shock and adrenaline wear off. If you see signs of utter despair and hopelessness and the Holy Spirit plants an urge in you to worry, you need to drop everything and go to her and don't wait. Just knowing that someone will be stopping by helps you feel more accountable. Just draw upon your own experiences and remember what helped you when you felt lonely and depressed and hopeless. Most of all, I think what helps people is just not being physically alone.
Is she a believer? If so, you can (gently) share the Bible with her. Stay away from Romans 8:28 and those verses because right now she is not ready to hear that God intended this for her good. She can't see past the sorrow right now. I would share these verses with her first: Isaiah chapter 41, the Book of Psalms and Job. Again, start with verses where someone is crying out to the Lord in times of trouble because that is where she is right now.
This is not an exhaustive list, but these are verses that I found comfort in during hard times:
Psalm 27:13-14: “I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.” (NASB)
Jeremiah 29:11-13 “For I know the thoughts I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you and expected end. Then shall ye call upon me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.” (KJV)
Isaiah 41:13 “For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.” (KJV)
Isaiah 57:1-2 “The righteous perish, and no one ponders it in his heart; devout men are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil. Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death.” (NIV)
II Corinthians 4:7-9 “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed.” (NASB)
“ I will feed My flock and I will lead them to rest,” declares the Lord GOD. “I will seek the lost, bring back the scattered, bind up the broken and strengthen the sick . . . ” Ezekiel 34:15-16 (NASB)
“For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd, he will lead them to springs of living water; and God will wipe every tear from their eyes.” Revelation 7:17 (NIV)
Job 42:12a “The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the first.” (NIV)
Psalm 84:11 “For the Lord God is a sun and shield; The Lord gives grace and glory; No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.” (NASB)
Job 23:10 “But he knows the way I take; when He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold.” (NASB)
James 5:11 “We count those blessed who endured. You have heard of the endurance of Job and have seen the outcome of the Lord’s dealings, that the Lord is full of compassion and is merciful.” (NASB)
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