Survivor's Guilt

I must warn you that there will come a time during the grief process where we must detach ourselves from our loved one(s). I remember shortly after the accident a man who had recently lost his wife told me the same thing and I rebelled inside and felt that it would never happen to me. But it did. My life has and is continuing to go forward even while my heart is still tied to those I lost. I will always love Aaron, but the pain won’t always be as sharp as it was immediately following his death. For all practical purposes, I am now single, alone, and no longer attached and a part of a couple. New memories are being made and life moves forward even though we are no longer together. It hurts and there is a measure of guilt involved -- guilt that everything changes and that I am changing too. Time passes even when it seems impossible. There were days when I didn’t think that I had the strength to make it through the next 10 minutes, let alone the next day. Every tick of the clock seemed an eternity, but time inevitably passed even if it was in lurches. As much as I want to keep things frozen in time, I am powerless to do so, as powerless as I am to bring Aaron and Grace back.